seventh slider

fourth slider

JP’s $50 Gluten-free Meatballs a.k.a Amaze-Balls!!

I know what you’re thinking…Holy shit! Those Meat Balls better be Amaze-balls for $50!!
And yes, they are. They don’t really have to cost fifty dollars either. You can do it much cheaper if you buy the ingredients somewhere other than Whole Foods, a.k.a Whole Pay-Check, or if you don’t use organic grass-fed meat and you don’t mind eating hormones and whatever else it is they’re putting in livestock these days. Maybe I’ve just watched too many damn documentaries and seen too many sad Facebook photos to buy anything but grass-fed meat products. Probably my guilt ridden Catholic up brining.

You can also make a smaller batch, but for me personally if I’m going to go to all the trouble of making meatballs I’m going to invite people over or I want lots of leftovers for the week.

Also, if I didn’t tell you that these meatballs were gluten-free there’s absolutely know way you’d never know. When most people eat my gluten-free food they have no idea that it’s gluten-free. And for me, that’s important -the gluten-free food has to be equally good or better than it’s non gluten-free counterpart or else I don’t want it.

There are a few ingredients that are massively important that aren’t in this photo of ingredients but feel free to enjoy the photo anyway…

Now here is what you need:

1 lb ground veal
1 lb ground beef
1 lb ground pork
3 slices Udi’s gluten-free white bread
1 1/2 cups of coconut milk (You can use also, almond milk or rice milk or regular milk…I don’t give a shit what milk you use)
3 eggs
1 cup grated parmesan, plus more for garnish
1 cup grated pecorino
1/3 cup flat-leaf parsley, chopped, plus more for garnish
2 tbsp kosher salt
1/2 tsp ground pepper
3 small cloves of garlic, minced
2 cups Bob’s Redmill Gluten-free all purpose flour
1/3 cup grapeseed oil

If possible I like to have all my ingredients chopped, measured, prepped and ready to go before I combine anything. So Mince the garlic, chop the parsley and the Udi’s bread.

After you have all of your chopping complete, CLEAN YOUR KNIFE AND PUT IT AWAY!! Don’t ever leave a dirty knife lying on the counter like a knuckle head.

Real cooks clean as they work.

Next, combine all meats in a big mixing bowl like so…

I use my CLEAN HANDS because I don’t have a big fancy Kitchen Aid Blender…but now you know what you can get me for my birthday…

It should look like this when your done..

Next you can add your bread, milk, eggs, cheese, parsley, salt, pepper, and garlic and mix on a medium-low speed for 1 minute or use your damn hands for as long as it takes.

it should end up looking like this…

Have your two cups (Or more if needed) of gluten-free flour spread out in a broiler pan or cookie sheet or whatever you have.

Scoop out 1/8-cup portions (You don’t need to measure them…it’s meatballs for god sakes) just make them golfball size and gentle roll between your hands until you have a nice round meatball.

NOTE: whatever size you do make, try to be consistent and make them all the same size so they cook evenly.

Roll it gently around in the flour and move on to the next one because you got more work to do. Stop being a perfectionist with the shape -you’re just going to eat it anyway.

Now get the grapeseed oil in a large skillet and place heat on medium. Add the balls and cook until golden brown. About 8-10 min. The internal temperature should be about 155 degrees. Your probably going to have to do several batches because we are making a shitload of meatballs for guests or leftovers… either way you can’t go wrong.

NOTE: I use fold a few paper napkins and put them on a plate, then place the cooked meatballs on the napkins to get rid of some of the excess oil.

I think a simple marinara like Italian canned tomatoes, chopped and simmered for thirty minutes with a little salt is perfect but I’ve also been known to use Trader Joe’s Vodka Sauce if I have a jar lying around.

Then you want to pour some sauce over about 5-6 meatballs on plate. Garnish with parmesan and parsley..then serve. NO PASTA you fat bastard!! real Italians don’t eat pasta with their meatballs that’s a fat american creation.


This should make about 50 meatballs. That’s a buck a ball!! (They’re not really that expensive) You can also cut this recipe down easily if you don’t want to make that much. Get 1/3 lb of the each of the meats and you do the math on the rest…I’m starving writing this.