JP’s $50 Gluten-free Meatballs a.k.a Amaze-Balls!!

I know what you’re thinking…Holy shit! Those Meat Balls better be Amaze-balls for $50!!
And yes, they are. They don’t really have to cost fifty dollars either. You can do it much cheaper if you buy the ingredients somewhere other than Whole Foods, a.k.a Whole Pay-Check, or if you don’t use organic grass-fed meat and you don’t mind eating hormones and whatever else it is they’re putting in livestock these days. Maybe I’ve just watched too many damn documentaries and seen too many sad Facebook photos to buy anything but grass-fed meat products. Probably my guilt ridden Catholic up brining.

You can also make a smaller batch, but for me personally if I’m going to go to all the trouble of making meatballs I’m going to invite people over or I want lots of leftovers for the week.

Also, if I didn’t tell you that these meatballs were gluten-free there’s absolutely know way you’d never know. When most people eat my gluten-free food they have no idea that it’s gluten-free. And for me, that’s important -the gluten-free food has to be equally good or better than it’s non gluten-free counterpart or else I don’t want it.

There are a few ingredients that are massively important that aren’t in this photo of ingredients but feel free to enjoy the photo anyway…

Now here is what you need:

1 lb ground veal
1 lb ground beef
1 lb ground pork
3 slices Udi’s gluten-free white bread
1 1/2 cups of coconut milk (You can use also, almond milk or rice milk or regular milk…I don’t give a shit what milk you use)
3 eggs
1 cup grated parmesan, plus more for garnish
1 cup grated pecorino
1/3 cup flat-leaf parsley, chopped, plus more for garnish
2 tbsp kosher salt
1/2 tsp ground pepper
3 small cloves of garlic, minced
2 cups Bob’s Redmill Gluten-free all purpose flour
1/3 cup grapeseed oil

If possible I like to have all my ingredients chopped, measured, prepped and ready to go before I combine anything. So Mince the garlic, chop the parsley and the Udi’s bread.

After you have all of your chopping complete, CLEAN YOUR KNIFE AND PUT IT AWAY!! Don’t ever leave a dirty knife lying on the counter like a knuckle head.

Real cooks clean as they work.

Next, combine all meats in a big mixing bowl like so…

I use my CLEAN HANDS because I don’t have a big fancy Kitchen Aid Blender…but now you know what you can get me for my birthday…

It should look like this when your done..

Next you can add your bread, milk, eggs, cheese, parsley, salt, pepper, and garlic and mix on a medium-low speed for 1 minute or use your damn hands for as long as it takes.

it should end up looking like this…

Have your two cups (Or more if needed) of gluten-free flour spread out in a broiler pan or cookie sheet or whatever you have.

Scoop out 1/8-cup portions (You don’t need to measure them…it’s meatballs for god sakes) just make them golfball size and gentle roll between your hands until you have a nice round meatball.

NOTE: whatever size you do make, try to be consistent and make them all the same size so they cook evenly.

Roll it gently around in the flour and move on to the next one because you got more work to do. Stop being a perfectionist with the shape -you’re just going to eat it anyway.

Now get the grapeseed oil in a large skillet and place heat on medium. Add the balls and cook until golden brown. About 8-10 min. The internal temperature should be about 155 degrees. Your probably going to have to do several batches because we are making a shitload of meatballs for guests or leftovers… either way you can’t go wrong.

NOTE: I use fold a few paper napkins and put them on a plate, then place the cooked meatballs on the napkins to get rid of some of the excess oil.

THE SAUCE
I think a simple marinara like Italian canned tomatoes, chopped and simmered for thirty minutes with a little salt is perfect but I’ve also been known to use Trader Joe’s Vodka Sauce if I have a jar lying around.

Then you want to pour some sauce over about 5-6 meatballs on plate. Garnish with parmesan and parsley..then serve. NO PASTA you fat bastard!! real Italians don’t eat pasta with their meatballs that’s a fat american creation.

Enjoy!!!

This should make about 50 meatballs. That’s a buck a ball!! (They’re not really that expensive) You can also cut this recipe down easily if you don’t want to make that much. Get 1/3 lb of the each of the meats and you do the math on the rest…I’m starving writing this.

Egg-cellent Muffins – Aka – Paleo Muffins

WARNING: YOU’RE NOT EATING A BIG ENOUGH BREAKFAST

Most people want a quick and easy breakfast, or, they just want to rush out of the house without eating anything at all.
 
HUGE mistake.
 
It’s also probably the most common mistake. I will be as clear as I can be; after you awake from sleeping for 6-8 hours your body is in starvation mode because it’s been fasting. The word “breakfast” actually means, Breaking Your Fast!
 
“I don’t feel hungry when I wake up.” I hear that one a lot. The reason you don’t feel hungry is because you probably follow what I call the typical American diet:
 

  1. No breakfast
  2. Salad for lunch (because you’re trying to lose weight)
  3. Eat everything in sight when you get home because you’re starving. Remember! When you’re really hungry willpower becomes non-existent.
  4. Now that you’ve just eaten a bunch of garbage, you’re going to sit on the couch and watch The Real Housewives of Bitchlanda and everything you ate is turning to fat because you’re just laying there until it’s time to go to bed.
  5. Wake up, repeat.

In order to see great results you have to flip this on it’s head. There’s a saying I like that goes like this; “Eat breakfast like a King, lunch like a Queen and dinner like a Pauper.”
 
This is what you need to do. Eat a bigger breakfast!
 
You need more carbohydrates in the morning and the afternoon to fuel you throughout the day especially if you plan on working out. After 4pm though I make it a rule not to eat anything except green veggies and fish, chicken or turkey. Or just a salad of mixed dark greens with olive oil and lemon. You might even feel a little bit hungry when you go to bed. It’s okay. You’re not going to die.
 
Now, when you wake up you can and should have a big breakfast. This is why breakfast is my favorite meal of the day. If it’s not yours then that alone should be an indicator that you’re not eating the correct way. Studies show that eating a bigger breakfast will help you to eat less at night.
 
I’m going to give you a few fast, easy and healthy breakfast options.
 
McCain’s Quick Cook Irish Oatmeal with a tablespoon of almond butter and a packet of Stevia. Plus 3 low sodium turkey or chicken deli slices. Or substitute the turkey slices for 2 eggs (they don’t take that long you lazy bastard)
 
Pre-made Egg Muffins. Just throw them in a microwave for 90 seconds and eat with fruit and a few almonds or walnuts.
 
What are these above mentioned egg-cellent muffins I speak of? They are also known as paleo egg muffins. Check out the recipe on my site here.
 
Whenever staying on a healthy eating regime becomes challenging or I feel too tired to workout I like to think of this quote:
 
“Successful people do what failures won’t” ~ Anthony Robbins
 

5 Great Reasons to go Suck a Lemon…Everyday


 
When life gives you lemons make lemon water….wait, what? That’s not how it goes. It’s Lemonade dummy. One the easiest and fastest ways to cut calories and lose weight is to watch what you drink; sodas, diet or otherwise, fruit juices, alcohol, and that 700 calorie latte from Starbucks all contain a ton of empty calories. Just by eliminating them or switching to healthy options such as water, green tea or water flavored with lemon or cucumber is much healthier.
 
Interestingly, according to this study in Medical News Today, artificial sweeteners can actual make you fatter.
 
On a side note: I had a friend who drove a shit-box that was always breaking down, but he drank two lattes from Starbucks everyday. I told him that if he bought coffee at Costco he would have enough money to lease a brand new car, to which he replied, “I love my Starbucks!” Change is often hard because most people are addicted to their habits and it’s hard for them to see the bigger picture.
 
Which brings me to the main point of this post. Creating good habits like drinking lemon water. Every morning without fail I squeeze an entire lemon into a glass then add about 8oz of water. I drink it before I do anything else. I use a lemon squeezer, so I don’t have to deal with seeds. It’s better for you if the water is room temperature but I have to admit that sometimes I drink it cold. I’m not perfect!
 
Here are 5 health benefits of drinking lemon water:
 

  1. Helps Liver Eliminate Toxins and Waste Products: the liver has various roles in the body including detoxification, protein synthesis, and production of bio chemicals to aid in proper digestion. Lemon water increases the livers detoxifying enzymes and helps the liver carry out these functions more efficiently.
  2. Lemon Water is Alkalizing: the body functions best in a more alkaline state and cancer cells tend to breed in an acidic body. Unfortunately due to the foods most people eat, the things they expose their skin to, and the environment they live in, most people’s bodies are very acidic. Lemons are alkalizing to the body and blood (although lemons are actually an acidic fruit).
  3. Rich Source of Vitamins and Minerals: rich in vitamin C (anti-oxidant, anti-bacterial, & helps immune system), vitamin B (energy production), riboflavin (tissue repair, growth, & development) and minerals like calcium, phosphorus, magnesium (these minerals all help build strong bones & teeth).
  4. Terrific for Skin Care: Lemon water can act as an anti-aging remedy by removing wrinkles and improve the overall appearance of your skin. Your skin can’t look healthy if your body is holding onto toxins.
  5. Good for Weight Loss: Lemon water can help burn fat faster. When the liver is full of toxins it can’t metabolize fats as efficiently.

Its best to drink lemon water upon waking for maximum benefit but you can also have it at any point during the day to help your body detox. Try this for one month and see if you notice any differences in your skin, health, and energy. I do it mainly because I believe it helps in the prevention of catching colds.

After drinking the lemon water I stretch for a few minutes…stay tuned for more about stretching in my next post.
 

Instructions:

Cut the two ends off the lemon:

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Then slice it down the middle:


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Take lemon squeezer and squeeze the two half’s into a glass:


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Then add water and enjoy:

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Please provide any feedback, comments or questions below.

 
 
 

Jon Paul’s Epic Gluten-Free German Pancake